2015 Has Been… Interesting

My view of 2015 was sunshine and showers, not just because I live in London. It was lots of highs and sudden lows that I had to climb back up from. This year was about getting rid of the negative and holding onto the good in my life.

A large proportion of my year was travelling both abroad and in the UK all for different reasons. At the beginning of the year I went to Coventry to my friend who was at university there and at that moment was having bad time so my friend and myself travelled to see him for the day. I like to think this helped him that it showed he had support even though it wasn’t in the same city.

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I also travelled to Cornwall soon after this to visit my Auntie who is suffering from Dementia to try and sort things out in her house to make it easier for her. Having seen my Granddad go through Dementia you think you know what’s going to happen but it’s so different for everyone, as it changes a person’s personality. Though she is 83 and is doing well for age and herself and it could be worse (touches wood immediately).

My summer started well with my first holiday with friends and no family. This was exciting not only for the new experience of being responsible for myself in another country but also because I went to Disneyland Paris and Paris. The only other time I have ever been to Disneyland was when I was 2 and got food poisoning and cried the whole time so I had higher expectations for this time. I wasn’t disappointed. I went with my two housemates and had so much fun. Unexpectedly I enjoyed it as I thought I was going to be really cynical and sarcastic about everything but I don’t know how Disney does it but I brought into it. In fact on the first night whilst watching the firework display I started crying. Going to Paris was stunning just walking around the streets and seeing glorious architecture everywhere was astonishing and seeing in person landscapes you’ve seen in countless photos and films was better than I could ever imagine.

For my shared birthday with my friend we went, with two other friends, to Barcelona. This is one of the funniest, stressful and beautiful holidays ever. It was stressful because the air conditioning didn’t work on the first night so we all had terrible nights sleep and so spent the next day hot, sweaty and tired (name of my sex tape). However, this meant we were delirious and so made each other laugh at little things that made everything better. Being able to pick each other up after a day with weird joke only we find funny was a highlight. This holiday I learnt a lot about how to manage time, money, energy and myself on holiday. This was also a big step for me, as I had never worn a swimsuit in front of anyone except my parents. I don’t feel uncomfortable about my body or unconfident but there was a hesitation for me when all my friends got into their bikinis. But I did, I joined them and didn’t know why I felt nervous because they didn’t care what I look like because they’re my friends and also I looked damn fine as always.

My final summer holiday was with my last family holiday with my parents to Menorca. This was a great end of era for me as it’s when realised I’ve become independent from my parents. This was a relaxing holiday for me after the stress of Barcelona. Menorca is spectacular landscape and sunsets and great food.

My last trip of the year was to Southampton for my friend’s birthday. My friend and myself travelled down to have dinner and a night out. This was one of the funniest nights of my life. I cry laughed more times I could remember. Overall my travelling was fun and helped me a lot.

I went to a lot of parties this year too (bragging much?) and learnt a lot about myself from my drunken self. I learnt that it depends on what I drink to how I am going to be and should maybe stick away from some drinks. Your sober mood when you start drinking influences your drunken self. I shouldn’t drink if I’m upset and that I should let myself be upset sober because being drunk and upset is a lot messier and over the top. But most of all I’m very nice when I’ve been drinking and so feel guilty if I don’t help others when I’ve been drinking.

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Friendships are something that has evolved this, either stronger or weaker. I have a very supporting and strong friendship that we jokingly call a cult because we have so many inside jokes and phrases we say that other people don’t understand, and there is a large donation you have to contribute when you join and a sacrifice. I usually feel bad as they are very verbally emotional people and tell me to my face that they love me but as per usual I don’t. I feel bad for this and wish a lot of the time I would of said something back but I either forget or don’t know what to say. It’s probably about time I say it back to them so if you’re reading this; thank you for being there this year and being some really good shit and I love you both lots. Not one bit or sarcasm in that sentence.

Something I’m proud about this year is staying in contact and close friendship with a friend who doesn’t live near me any more. This was great because I didn’t want to grow apart from him and is one of the only people who can make me laugh when I’m at my lowest. I’m also extremely proud of him getting a job he wanted so much and living in a flat he chose.

I’m also glad I’ve managed to stay in contact with my friend since secondary school because they don’t tell you how hard it is not only to manage your education, professional life and housing situation but also your friendships and making time for them. I’m impressed by how we’ve managed to meet up face to face so many times and hope we continue it.

Those where my positive friendships I’ve been able to keep but there have been some I’ve decided to let go, one through choice and the other reluctantly. When you keep on trying with a friendship but its only going one way there’s only one thing you can do. I don’t want to give up on one of these friendships because they are going through a hard time at the moment but when you keep trying to help and they don’t except this help its hard to keep going. This has been over some years now and I’m running out of energy to keep trying so I reluctantly giving in but will be there if she calls out to me. Whereas the other friendship was bad for me and needed out of my life and so I cut it out. I deleted them from all social media and I feel a lot better for it. I thought it was harsh at first but then I realised it wasn’t about them it was about me and putting myself first.

My education and professional career are still developing but this year I feel like I’ve helped myself a lot. I completed two work experience placements that really helped me to learn to filter good and bad advice. These also made me realise what I still had to learn and to focus on them. These were some social skills because I can take myself out of conversations without realising and so have been putting myself into situations to meet new people and feel comfortable doing it. I then got this internship writing blog posts for a website aimed at my peers and me. Having this audience has helped me develop my writing voice and what I want people to get out of my writing. This has in turn (intern) helped me in my scripting for university as at some points I felt lost and wasn’t writing my story any more but some else’s. I decided that I need to put my voice back in and this internship really helped with that as where else do I get this freedom to write.

One stressful, painstaking, joyous, painful and time consuming thing that happen to me this year was my dissertation, no not a baby. This was where a lot of my low points came from this year as I felt abandoned with it and didn’t know what to do or how to nurture it into something I could be proud of, I promise I’m not talking about a baby. My dissertation leader wasn’t very helpful and when they tried to help caused a lot of anxiety and stress. But I did it, I did it to the best of my abilities and am proud of it and that’s all I can do, except bribe the markers.

I’ve also started pre-production of my final major film called Nora’s World. I’m incredibly proud of myself as writer and director and group as together we have developed an idea about anxiety, mental wellbeing and surviving through it all with the use of humour, of course. Nora’s World features one character called Nora Grimm, whose a feisty survivor in a dystopian future and addresses the camera directly and therefore breaks the fourth wall throughout the film. The film follows Nora as she uses humour to cover her loneliness and anxiety of losing her friends and family. Nora is followed by shadow like creatures that represent her anxieties and mental health issues including stigma and coping. I extremely proud of this and have managed to already organize a lot of this film such as locations, actress, script and crew and am so excited to create it.

I also donated blood for the first time ever and is something I’m planning on doing twice year as it’s an important cause that I think needs more support especially from younger people. I can assure any one who is thinking about donating it doesn’t hurt and took me 7 minutes and you get tea and biscuits, as a British stereotype, what else do you need?

The final thing I’m not so proud about from this year is my housing situation and how I’ve handled it. I get very stressed my mess and disorganisation very easily and this is my university house sometimes. This tips me into a bad mood and more prone to stress but one thing I want to do this year is learn to let shit go because I’m not the only one living in that house and so I’m not responsible.

2015 was good to me, in a way of making me deal with issues I may not of wanted to in the past such as responsibility, negativity, friendships and my attitude to stress. It’s highlighted the good things in my life, which I should focus on more. I’ve also realised I do a lot for others and not for myself and so this year I’m going to do things that make me happy and not for other peoples happiness. I’ve had a lot of laughs this year and want even more next year because more people need to experience my laugh. I’m excited for 2016 and I’m ready for it (as I right this “fighter” by Christina Aguilera comes on my Spotify). In fact, this blog post is exactly 2016 words a sign that 2016 is going to be special, or I’ve just got a lot to say and purposely wrote more to up the word count.

Let’s make 2016 positive.Lucy.

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