Some Times You Want To Give Up, But That’s The Moment of Change
At the moment in university I am making my final major project. My whole three years of eduction, financial worry, mental breakdowns, enjoyment and creativity is being put into this final film. This is quite a pressure as its something I’m going to take into the professional industry to try and get jobs with so I best not fuck up.
Our logline for the project is: Nora, a feisty survivor in a dystopian future, uses her special skills of determination, resourcefulness and witty puns to save her sanity and herself, even if she’s in complete denial.
The film features one character; Nora Grimm. Throughout the film she break the fourth wall by talking directly to the camera and therefore addressing the audience. The film follows Nora as she uses humour to cover her loneliness and anxiety of losing her friends and family. Nora is followed by shadow like creatures which represent her anxieties and mental health issues including stigma and coping.
The journey of making a film is stressful, fun, aggravating and hilarious. I’m writer and director of Nora’s World and so being in every stage of production from the idea to the editing is exciting, as the beginning is never the same as the end.
My inspirations for this film are: Friday The 13th, Final Girls, Scream Queens, The Shining, Paranorman, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Scott Pilgrim and Fight Club. As the film is a dark comedy about a woman called Nora surviving in a dystopian world thinking she is physically, mentally and emotionally ok with being alone when in actual fact she’s not. I really wanted to play with the horror genre and breaking the forth wall to create humour which she uses as a defence.
The monsters in the film are hand shadows from a zombie like creature trying to get to her representing her anxieties and isolation trying to over come her. Overall the film is about how we don’t treat mental illness as series as physical illnesses and can be harmful for someone to face things alone.
During the film making process the director (myself) and actress (Kate Goodfellow) create a special realationship. As the director and actress have to be on the same page to get the most out of the story, you become close and its fun but it also feels fake. Fake in the sense your both doing a job. Especially for a student film where theres no pay, you feel like your not actually that close and its just for business. I don’t mind this because one thing I’ve learnt is that your not doing a job to be liked so being friendly is a nice bonus. Overall I’m really glad Kate was my actress as she’s very talented, understood the character, was funny and took direction well. I do hope to work with her again and maybe be able to pay her.
One thing about making a film is that you have to rely on others which was challenging. Some of my team were great and some weren’t. I really learnt why some women feel like their not taken seriously or listen to on sets in the film industry, because there were times on set I would ask people to do things and they didn’t until my male director of photography told them to do this. This only happened on the first day as I put my foot down after that and demonstrated my authority. However I then got a jokey nick name of Bitchy McBitch face which is another female filmmaker stereotype that your a bitch when I just asked someone to do there job. *Eye roll* this is why I have trust issues. I also found one time my director of photography started directing my actress, this made me feel so small and undermined so I had a talk with him and he apologised and then talked to my actress who said she wouldn’t of done anything he said without talking to me. Thank god! Otherwise my team were great.
My team was especially great because my friends had high roles on set and so had a lot of power. My director of photography wasn’t doing his job right and so my amazing friend took over and was the main reason why my film looks nice and how I wanted it. I really had to count on my friends to save the day and couldn’t of made Nora’s World with out them because their my world. Their the reason filming was fun and the reason I want to keep making films.
During the filmmaking adventure you become doubtful of your creativity and whether what your making is “good”. Every artist gets this and its shit because you just feel like giving up and starting again but really what you should do is keep going.
Get other people’s opinions even negative ones can help you.
Take a break from it.
Take a deep breath.
When your at the moment of giving up thats when you can have the best thoughts because your desperate. Your mind is searching for an answer and so you just have to rely on your creative mind that your find that answer because if you thought it was a good idea at the beginning then it still must be.
You’re just lost and you need to find an answer.
Keep Trying. Lucy.